The Smith Family Story

Bedtime Stories

2012-01-29T21:33:00.001-06:00

Quinn LOVES books. He is constantly bringing a book to me saying, "Mo boo, mo boo." (more book) Once he's picked up, he squirms around in my lap until he's perfectly positioned with his head leaning against my chest and has the hugest grin on his face. It doesn't matter what book it is, he just wants you to read to him.

Tonight, Josh was getting ready to read Quinn his bedtime story when he got a phone call. Aidan picked up the book and climbed into the chair with Quinn and started reading to him. It was the sweetest thing to see.

Aidan amazes me. He's had no reading instruction. Sure, he's been taught his letters at preschool, but they haven't really taught the kids how to put the letters together to make words. Aidan picked it up all on his own.

And now at 5, he's reading to his little brother. I love it!

Waiting for Papa

2012-01-28T19:21:00.001-06:00

Papa called and invited Josh and Aidan out to lunch today. Aidan was so excited about eating lunch with just Daddy and Papa that I was able to snap this picture of him watching out the window for Papa to arrive.

Birthday Party

2012-01-27T21:20:00.001-06:00

This past Saturday, we threw Aidan an Angry Birds birthday party. This kid has been obsessed with Angry Birds for awhile now, and has been asking for an Angry Birds cake since August. While it's a popular game, Angry Birds merchandise is just now beginning to appear in the stores, so finding party supplies wasn't exactly an easy ordeal. I ended up making most of it myself.

I found a template for these Angry Birds faces online, and attached them to balloons for decoration.

For his cake, I made a basic sheet cake and iced it in green to look like grass, and I used Keebler Fudge Stick cookies to make the pig tower. I read several tutorials online on how to make the birds and pigs out of fondant or gum paste, but decided to pass on it. Instead, I used these toy figurines that Aidan received for Christmas in his stocking. Remember how I said Aidan has been requesting this since August? Receiving those for Christmas was all part of the birthday plan.

Quinn received these blocks for Christmas from Grandma and Grandpa, so we used them to build a pig tower for one of the games. (I'll admit now that one of the reasons these particular blocks made it on Quinn's Christmas list was for this particular birthday party game. Remember that August thing?) If you look closely at this picture you can see square pigs sitting on the blocks. I found the template for those online, printed them on cardstock, cut them out, folded them, and taped them together.

Each child picked out a small plush Angry Bird to throw at the tower for this game. They then got to take their bird home as a party favor.

Luke and Greyson waiting their turn in line.

Next, we went outside for the pinata. Aidan has been asking for a pinata since Josh's birthday in March. Since August, he's wanted an Angry Bird pinata. They cannot be found in stores. I made this one using a balloon, paper mache, and paint.

Then is was time for cake.

Quinn made a new friend during the cake eating. :)

Finally, it was time for presents. Aidan made out well: a Leapster 2 from Grammy and Papa, Leapster games from Luke and Greyson, Lincoln Logs and an astronaut jumpsuit from Grandma and Grandpa, a giftcard to see a movie from Ben, race cars to paint and decorate from Caleb, Angry Birds beanbag toss from Samuel, and Star Wars Legos from Uncy B and Aunt Holli.

Aidan, I hope you enjoyed your party. I had fun putting it together for you. You are a special boy and I love to treat you as such on your birthday. I love you always!

Fifth Birthday Festivities

2012-01-19T21:50:00.001-06:00

Aidan has just been tucked into bed after a day of birthday celebrations. He says he had a great birthday.

We started out the morning with 5 candles on homemade cinnamon and sugar donuts. Yum!

Even Quinn got in on this donut action.

Aidan did have preschool today, but lucky for him, it was also their Pajama Party day. They had a pillow fight, ate popsicles, watched a movie, ate popcorn, and ate Aidan's angry birds birthday cupcakes.

I know you wanted to see those cupcakes up close. Yes, I did indeed make them.

Here's the whole batch that was sent to school.

After Daddy got home from work, we went to Chuck E. Cheese for dinner and games. Grammy, Papa, Aunt Megan, Luke, Greyson, and Jude joined us.

More Angry Birds cupcakes!

And then it was time for some presents.

MORE MARIO KART WII TRACK!!! BE CAREFUL OF THE FIREBALLS!!

Barrel of Monkeys. "What do you do with this?"

We showed him how to play once we got home. He then made up his own rules. "Look. I'm really good at this. Hey! Please stop being so wiggly." He makes me giggle. :)

Building his KRE-O (similar to Legos) Transformer Optimus Prime set with Daddy. Then it was bed time.

5

2012-01-19T11:52:00.054-06:00

Aidan,
Today you are five. I cannot believe how quickly time has flown. It seems like only yesterday you were toddling around, but now you are five. How can that be?

You are the most precious of children. Exasperating at times, yes, but so precious. I love your inquisitive mind and your constant desire to know everything about everything. You tell me you want to be a scientist when you grow up. I think you'll make a great one.

Today, at 5, you love reading, playing video games, building, angry birds, super heroes - especially Batman, being outside, wrestling with Daddy, Rio, Winnie the Pooh, and Jesus. I'm sure there's plenty I'm forgetting, but these are your big ones.

Your baby days are long gone. Your preschool days are coming to a close. I miss those days, but I am also looking forward to seeing who you become as you enter your childhood. I love watching your eyes light up with each new discovery. You can hardly stand to wait to share it with everyone you meet, and new discoveries are soon to be a daily thing as you enter Kindergarten.

You love your friends and family passionately. I hope you never lose that.

You hate nicknames. You tell everyone, "That's not my name. It's Aidan!" if they even try to call you something else. And Daddy wants to give you a nickname so badly, but you won't let him.

I can't believe you are five. I love you more than you'll ever know.

With all my heart,
Mommy

Christmas Season Thus Far

2011-12-14T00:54:00.000-06:00

It's been a busy month so far, but an enjoyable one. I struggle with Christmas now. I've always loved Christmas, and I love watching my children enjoy Christmas, but something about the whole season makes the hurt of losing Levi hurt that much more. Most days, I simply enjoy the season, but sometimes, a little something will remind me of him and my heart aches in wishing he was here.

Like in seeing Santa...

Or decorating the Christmas tree...

Maybe it's the extra time we spend together as a family and the obvious void he leaves. Maybe it's the remembering of those in need that brings him to mind so much. Maybe it's all the songs on the radio. Whatever it is, aside from his birthday, Christmas is when I miss him the most. I'm learning to live with it though. This is the first Christmas I haven't dreaded since his passing. I absolutely adore the faces of my living children as they count down the days. Aidan wakes up each and every morning asking to add a piece to his advent calendar, and then announces to all who will listen the number of days left until Christmas morning. He's so excited to place baby Jesus on the manger and celebrate the Savior's birthday. That is enough to make my heart happy.

Today was the Christmas program at preschool. Aidan, Luke, and Greyson all were in it and sang four songs - Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer, Come on Ring Those Bells, Away in a Manger, and Wasn't That a Mighty Day. It was really cute.

Luke and Greyson on the 2nd row

Aidan on the back row

Afterwards, there was a cake and punch reception in the gym. Megan and I attempted to snap a few photos of our guys.

Quinn is wearing an outfit I made for Aidan's first Christmas. Quinn is a few months older than Aidan was when he wore it, so I need to move the buttons down a bit so it's not quite so snug on him. I'll take a better picture in it later. I always was proud of it because it was the first clothing article I ever sewed mostly on my own.

And now for a series of pictures. These kind of remind me of some my mom has of us as kids with our cousins.

Thanksgiving Feast

2011-11-23T11:48:00.001-06:00

Yesterday was Aidan, Luke, and Greyson's Thanksgiving feast at school. Megan and I went up to school to spend time with them during their feast.

Aidan

Greyson showing off his turkey cupcake

Luke

Megan, Jude, and Luke

Aidan and Me

Aidan modeling his Indian costume.

First Pinterest Project

2011-11-22T10:23:00.001-06:00

I've become addicted to Pinterest. When it first came out, I thought the idea behind it was silly. But now, I'm addicted. I have to force myself to take breaks from it because it is a time suck. One of the other things that I am now forcing myself to do is to actually complete some of the items that I pin. What's the point of the whole thing if I never use any of the ideas I find? So, for my first project, I made shadow boxes to display an item from each of my children's infancy.

I kind of love them.

*Please ignore the blurriness. I took these without flash in order to avoid a glare on the glass, but I couldn't quite hold the camera still enough to get a perfectly clear picture.*

This is Aidan's box. The sweater outfit in his box was my absolute favorite newborn item of his. My sister gave it to me. It is made of wool, and my wonderful husband put it in the dryer while trying to help me with laundry. I was devastated. I have never been able to bring myself to throw it out even though I knew I would never be able to use it again. I am now thankful I never threw it out because now I have a way to display it.

Levi's box. This is probably my favorite simply because I don't have much that belonged to Levi. In his box, you find the hospital hat he wore and a small crocheted blanket given to me by the hospital. Both of these items I have held on to never knowing what to do with them, but not ever considering throwing them out as they are all I have of him, besides his quilt and pictures. Now they are on display rather than sitting in a box in my closet.

And finally, Quinn. This is the outfit he came home from the hospital in. My mom bought it for him and held on to it until he safely arrived in my arms. She then cut off the tags, washed it, and brought it to the hospital. I did not want anyone to buy anything for Quinn until he was born alive. If I was given something, I didn't dare take the tags off.

So, there you have it. My darling, beautiful, baby boys displayed in blue, yellow, and green boxes. One day I hope to add a pink. ;)

Advent Calendar

2011-11-20T21:02:00.001-06:00

I have been on the hunt for the perfect advent calendar since Aidan's first Christmas. I didn't worry too much about it that first year considering he was only 11 months old and it wouldn't mean much at the time, but I kept my eyes peeled. Over the years, I've seen super cute ones in stores, but for way more money than I'm willing to spend. A couple years ago, after Christmas, I bought a fabric panel that had little pockets to sew on to make an advent calendar. I sewed those pockets on, and then realized how absolutely teeny tiny they were and knew that I'd never fit items for more than one child in them. This panel is also rather large, so I didn't want to make one for all my kids and try to find a place within the house to hang them, therefore I never finished it beyond sewing those tiny pockets on.
Growing up, my mom managed to find a small, cost effective, and practical advent calendar, so surely, I should be able to find the same. We each had our own calendar. They weren't fancy by any means. They were simple little boxes in rows and columns numbered 1-24. All three of them were lined up on Mom's dresser, and each morning of December we would open up those boxes and find a small surprise. So, why can't I find something similar?

I knew the day would come when I would need an advent calendar for my children. Well, my friends, the time has come. Aidan is already asking when Christmas is going to be here. Currently, the answer is "after Thanksgiving". Once Thanksgiving has come and gone though, I'm in for the daily questions. I am in desperate need of an advent calendar if for no other reason, to have a count down to Christmas morning.

I was about to resort to making a matchbox advent calendar.

Or shelling out some big bucks and buying Aidan the Lego Star Wars advent calenar, and then having this same dilemma again next year.

Then I found it.

I have spent the last several days cutting and sewing felt together in order to have this complete by December 1st. It's the absolute perfect advent calendar. It's a countdown to Christmas, there's no worrying about what small item to place in the pockets, and it focuses the entire Christmas season on the birth of Christ. Each day, he takes a piece of the nativity from a pocket and puts it in place. By Christmas Eve, he has watched and heard the entire Christmas story take place, as I plan to read the Bible story with him each day.

And the best part...Aidan adores it!

Cutest Cousins

2011-11-17T18:41:00.001-06:00

Quinn & Jude

It's Official

2011-11-03T15:10:00.001-05:00

We have a walker!

The Dynamic Duo

2011-10-31T13:41:00.001-05:00

Happy Halloween from Batman and Robin!!

The First Year

2011-10-24T23:07:00.002-05:00

I recently received the proofs from Quinn's 1st Birthday pictures, and I've been reminiscing about how much he's changed since birth. It simply amazes me how much a baby grows and learns in their first year of life. To go from complete helplessness to communicating and almost walking in a mere 12 months is astounding. Babies are truly one of God's greatest miracles.

9 days

4 months

8 months

12 months

1st Birthday

Cake Smash!

To Be A Boy

2011-10-17T18:25:00.001-05:00

Yummy Babe Clothed in Owls (and other updates)

2011-10-10T23:53:00.002-05:00

There is

nothing yummier

than a

baby's bum

in a cloth diaper.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

All a boy needs

is his Mommy's iPhone games

and his cat.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We may

have a

walker

soon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spaghetti night

is always a favorite at our house.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I want to play soccer forever."

"But I don't want to stay there forever. I want to go play soccer, come home, play soccer again, and come home kind of forever." -Aidan

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pancakes & Karaoke - The latest I've stayed out since before kids.

Watching Josh sing was hilarious.

Surely someone got a video of this!

To Levi

2011-10-03T09:30:00.028-05:00

This past weekend was spent with birthday celebrations for your little brother. It was a great weekend, but oh, how I wish you could have been there with us. Your presence was noted and missed by me. The lack of your first birthday was also noted by me. You were never given the opportunity to celebrate your first birthday. I never had the opportunity to make an elaborate cake for you. You never heard the words to the song "Happy Birthday". All because life was taken from you before you ever took a breath of air. I know you're not missing birthday parties in heaven. I bet everyday is glorious in the presence of God. But I miss throwing you parties. Darling, I miss you with all my being and I ache to hug you today.

One Year

2011-10-02T08:19:00.002-05:00

Happy 1st Birthday, Quinn! I can't believe you are already one year old. The time has certainly gone by in a blink. Yesterday we celebrated by throwing our Quinney Pooh a Winnie the Pooh party.

This is one of my favorite pictures from the day.

Winnie the Pooh cake and cupcakes baked by me.

Mama and the Birthday Boy.
(I made Quinn's birthday cake shirt and baby legs)

Singing "Happy Birthday"

It took Quinn no time at all the figure out what to do with that cupcake and then to demolish the entire thing. He definitely inheirited his mama's sweet tooth.

Quinn,
You are an absolute delight. This past year has been an amazing year as we have watched you grow and become a little person. You have such a cheerful disposition that brings out smiles and laughter from everyone that meets you. We love having you as part of our family and can't imagine life without you. I thank God daily for entrusting your precious life into our hands. I love you, Love Bug. Happy, happy birthday to you.
Love,
Mommy

Quinn's first year

2011-10-02T00:49:00.002-05:00

Click here to view this photo book larger

Shutterfly baby photo books are the perfect way to preserve your baby's precious moments.

Soccer

2011-09-22T11:56:00.001-05:00

After asking for the past two years, we have finally given in to Aidan's request and he has started playing soccer this fall. His cousins, Luke and Greyson, are on the team with him, and they had their first game this past Saturday. Aidan did awesome (well, except for the part where he cried and wouldn't play because another boy kicked the ball before he could get to it)! He scored the first goal of the game and had one assist. But we don't keep score in the under 5 age group. ;)

Excited to start.

Go Dragons!

Aidan did the kick off.

Team Huddle

Quinn and Jude love watching their brothers play. Can't you tell?

Get that ball!

Aidan in action.

The second game is supposed to take place tonight, but considering it is currently raining (Thank you, Lord!), I'm not sure if that game will actually happen or not.

Brothers

2011-09-16T23:49:00.001-05:00

Such sweet, sweet brothers.

Comforted by one another

While riveted by the television

(Note : I do not often allow Quinn to sit in front of the television, but Aidan was watching his newest, all time favorite movie, Rio, and requested to hold his brother, therefore, I obliged.)

Not even noticing that Mama is in the room snapping photographs.

Well, maybe they did notice. They just didn't care enough to pay any attention to me.

Oh, wait. Quinn has finally noticed me. Photo session done.

And one more makes three. Three undeniably gorgeous boys of mine. One day in eternity I hope to see all three of them snuggled together on the couch. Miss you, love.

Missing You

2011-09-15T22:42:00.001-05:00

Baby Boy,
Mama is missing you tonight. I long to hold you in my arms and rock you just as I held your brothers tonight. Aidan asked about you the other day. He told me he misses you because he wants to play with you. That was hard for this broken-hearted mother to hear. I could only tell him that he would play with you in heaven one day, and that I miss you too. Sweet love, I wish you never left us.

"Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted." Matthew 5:4
Lord, comfort me tonight.

What a face!

2011-09-12T16:09:00.001-05:00

This is the face of a little boy who enjoyed his lunch entirely too much!

But what a cute face it is!!

And I adore the way he hooks his toes on the edge of his high chair tray at each and every meal.

11

2011-09-02T14:22:00.004-05:00

Somehow

Quinn

has

turned

eleven months

old.

I'm not sure how that happened.

Play Time

2011-08-31T17:23:00.003-05:00

I have a Nikon D40 camera, and I've had it for awhile, but I've never really played with it. I tend to just leave it on automatic, aim, and click. I've been happy with the snapshots I take this way considering my last camera was a point and shoot. However, I have been wanting to play with the settings, but I'm the type of person who is so afraid to mess anything up and not able to get it back to the original settings that I've never done so. But this afternoon, I decided to play. I mean, if nothing else, I can just click it back to automatic, right?

The first thing I discovered was the black and white section. I had no idea I could shoot black and white pictures with my camera! I love black & white, but I usually upload my pictures to Shutterfly (because I have no editing software. I would love some, but that stuff is expensive!), convert it to b&w, then download to my computer. This is SO much faster! I probably should have written down what settings I had this on, because I also managed to blur the background, which I also love, but have no idea how to do it again. Oops.

Super cute picture, right? I'm in love. That white spot at the top was a smudge on my lens. I didn't notice it until after I played with my camera. Boo.

In this next section of photos, I was playing with the ISO function trying to determine which one let in the right amount of light. I don't know that I ever found a good one. I also had Quinn in front of the window because the flash was turned off, so I'm not sure if the sunlight complicated things.

This one I think is the best, but there's still a lot of shadow on his face.

I like this one, but I would not like it if Quinn was facing the camera. Definitely too much shadow. Plus I need to clean that window. Please ignore the smudges and child handprints.

Too much light.

Too many facial shadows.

I think this one would work if he was sitting down. Maybe.

Not enough light.

The next two pictures are comparisions of different settings. I love this first picture of Aidan although there are lines on his face from the blinds.

This is the portrait setting.

Just for comparision sake, this is the same picture on the automatic setting. I like the first one a lot better.

And this is not playing with camera, but a random picture I found on my memory stick. Mama Love!

And We're Back

2011-08-30T10:16:00.006-05:00

To school, that is. Aidan started Pre-K this morning. He's growing up much too fast!

The mandatory first day of school, in front of the house photo. Aidan got a new lunch box this year. He picked out Spiderman. Surprise, surprise. His backpack is Superman. He didn't pick that one out. Grandma and Grandpa did, but he likes it anyway. His new Thermos cup is Green Lantern. Are you seeing a theme here? He is certainly his Daddy's boy in that aspect. (I am determined to steer Quinn more in the direction of cars, trucks, and trains! :) )

Ignore the blurriness of this shot. I like it despite the fuzz. The fake smile is so Aidan right now.

Aidan and his teacher, Mrs. Mezzell.

See, once again, the cheese smile.

Luke and Greyson are joining Aidan at school this year. I'm excited for them. I think they'll have a blast together.

This picture cracks me up. This is what happens when you tell three 4 year olds to look at the camera while they are clearly in the middle of something else.

This past Friday, we took Aidan and Quinn to a Rough Riders baseball game with Josh's work. If you've been reading my blog for awhile, you'll remember that we did this last year, as well. While there, I was asked what grade Aidan is in. When I said he isn't, and that he is, in fact, only 4 and in Pre-K, I got an astonished look. Apparently, he looks like a first grader. *Sob*

We had 2nd row seats for the 5 minutes that we watched the game. Aidan much preferred the playground.

And what will Quinn and I do on the days that Aidan is at school and it's just the two of us?

Why, we'll spend our days playing a riveting game of peek-a-boo, of course!

August Updates

2011-08-22T00:19:00.001-05:00

August is flying by. We've been staying busy in this 100 degree Texas heat by living at the water park. We've only missed a day or two of swimming in the last 2 weeks. Aidan has loved every bit of it, and is now swimming like a pro compared to the beginning of the summer, which was not at all. But alas, it is time to slow down as the water park has now closed for the summer and Aidan starts up his last year of preschool next week. Here are just a few picture updates of what we've been up to besides swimming this month.

Mr. Quinn is constantly pulling up on the couch, the recliner, the hearth, the entertainment center, my legs, or whatever else happens to be within his reach. He's not quite cruising yet, but he is taking a few steps while holding on.

Aidan claims he no longer needs naps, but then we find him like this.

A few weeks ago Aidan looked like this.

Now he looks like this. He specifically requested a "spiky haircut", so I obliged. He loves it. I think it's adorable, but sometimes I want to cry when I look at him. His new haircut makes him look so much older. He's no longer my baby boy.

Quinn doesn't like anyone to feed him anymore. He's decided he can do it all on his own. Then we have to clean him. He doesn't like that much either.

This is Quinn's favorite sitting position. If he's not standing up against something, he's sitting like this. I've tried this position. It's not that comfortable.

These are my loves. I love that my loves love one another so dearly.

10 months

2011-08-02T17:01:00.029-05:00

Happy 10 months to my ridiculously happy boy.

Happy 10 months to my can't compete with this adorableness boy.

Happy 10 months to my mobile boy.

Happy 10 months to my extremely expressive boy.

Happy 10 months to my almost standing on his own boy.

Happy 10 months to my playful boy.

Happy 10 months to my couldn't be any sweeter boy.

Happy 10 months to my I don't want anyone but my mama boy.

Thank you for blessing our home with your happy and gentle spirit these past 10 months. We love you more than you'll ever know.

The Music Has Returned

2011-07-24T10:35:00.001-05:00

After Levi died, I couldn't handle music, especially lullabies and worship songs. I would turn the radio off in the car, or at least turn it to a secular station. I stopped singing lullabies to Aidan. I started stalling when it was time to leave for church, just to make sure we missed at least part, if not all, of the music. When we did make in time for the worship portion, I never sang. I distinctly remember my first week back. We actually got there early because I didn't want to run into people who would feel sorry for me. I could see it in everyone's face. So Josh and I sat in the auditorium before anyone else got there. When the music began, I pulled out my phone and started texting. There have been weeks when the words of the songs caused me to sit down and sob. There have been weeks when the words of the songs cause me to walk out of the auditorium. You see, music moves me. I don't know why. It just does. And songs about God's love and healing and goodness were hard for me to handle in those early days. Songs about babies were hard for me handle in those early days.

Singing has been a struggle for me since Levi's death. Part of me will want to, but another part clamps my mouth shut saying, "You're not ready for this." So, I've spent a lot of weeks with tears in my eyes listening to the words with internal turmoil about whether or not I should join in. I don't remember how long after Levi's death it was, but I was beginning to be able to sing again, when one Wednesday night we had a guest worship leader, and he sang "Blessed Be Your Name." He reached the bridge, "You give and take away," and it was over for me. When we first returned to church, I spent several weeks in fear of hearing this song and gearing myself up for it, but it never came, and I wasn't prepared for it when it finally appeared. I couldn't sing anymore. The only thing anchoring me to my spot was my friend's arm around my waist because she sensed I was having a difficult time. I wanted to run. The music was gone.

I didn't realize I had stopped singing lullabies to Aidan, and I didn't realize that he had missed them, but a few weeks after Quinn was born, Aidan climbed into my lap and asked me to sing the "mama buys song" (Hush Little Baby). It was then that it dawned on me that I had started singing again. It was also then that I realized I had denied Aidan the comfort of a mother's lullaby. He was two when Levi died. He was only two when I stopped singing to him. I didn't completely deprieve him of music. We listened to children's songs, such as "A Bear Climbed Over the Mountain" and "There's a Hole in my Bucket." We also would listen to Backyardigan CDs, but for almost two years, I never held him and sang to him.

I can now sing to Aidan and Quinn whenever it is requested of me or whenever one or both of my children need a little cuddle time. Last night at church, I caught myself singing again. In fact, I've caught myself singing the past few weeks, and it hasn't floored me. The music has returned. Sure, there are still some songs I can't sing along with yet, but they no longer give me the urge to flee from the room. I can listen and savor that my God is indeed healing me. He is giving me my life back, albeit not complete, for I will always have a Levi shaped hole in my heart, but I am moving on and embracing life again. I give myself grace in the hard moments because things do still tend to jump out and cause me to grieve him all over again; but my family, my living children, my friends, all give me reasons to smile and laugh and sing and love life once again.

Updates

2011-07-17T23:56:00.001-05:00

I've been told by my mom and sister it's been way too long since my last blog post, so here I am posting, but in all honesty, I just haven't had much to say lately. I don't have much to say today either, for that matter.

Last week Josh went on a mission trip to the Rio Grande Valley with a few high schoolers from our church. I stayed home with the boys. Aidan gave me an extremely difficult time the first day Josh was gone. So many tantrums that I just didn't know what to do with him. He was not my child that day. I ended the day in tears on the phone with Josh because I didn't think I could handle any more days like that by myself. Luckily, after talking and praying with Aidan the next morning about his attitude, he completely changed his tune. I had my Aidan back for the rest of the week, and we survived without Daddy.

Quinn started pulling up while Josh was gone, too. This picture was taken the first morning he stood, and you can just see how proud he is of himself in that little face of his. He is now crawling and standing all over the place. The first couple of days he didn't know how to get back down once he stood up, so I'd find him stuck in a standing position all over the house. Even on the bathtub a couple of times. We now close the bathroom door at all times. Now he pushes himself backwards while stucking his bottom out, so he just plops down into a sitting position and crawls away. I love watching him cruise around. Although, sometimes I do wish we could go back to the staying in one spot stage so that Mommy always knows where he is. I had one scare in which I couldn't find him in any of his normal spots. I didn't know what he could be getting in to. I started calling his name and he answered me. He was in my bathroom. He managed the leave the living room, crawl down the length of the hallway, go into my room, crawl past my bed, and into my bathroom before I realized he was gone. Again, we now keep the bathroom doors closed.

This past Monday was my birthday. My last one ever. I refuse to turn 30. Yes, Josh missed my birthday, but I gave him permission. My mom threw me a little birthday party. Really, it was more for Luke, Greyson, and Aidan, but we'll claim it was my party. Luke and Greyson were oddly very excited about my birthday, so we were afraid they would be vastly disappointed by the lack of balloons and party favors at my birthday dinner. Therefore, Mom bought a Bingo game and prizes for the boys and then sent Dad to the store to buy me balloons. Mom made lasagna and blueberry cobbler, and Dad picked up my favorite garlic rolls from A Taste of Italy. Yum, yum. I would share some pictures here, but they're all on my dad's camera. I keep meaning to ask for copies, but then never remember to do so when I actually see anyone that has access to them.

Tuesday, as another birthday celebration, my mother in law came over and kept the boys for me so I could run some errands. I loved having the time to go grocery shopping by myself. :) She then took me and the boys out for dinner and frozen yogurt.

And presenting my wonderful birthday gift:

I have been wanting one of these for years! Especially every year around January 19th when I'm creating some type of monstrosity of a cake for my beloved son's birthday parties. I have asked for one for the past two Christmases, only to be turned down. This past year, I even asked for any standing mixer available, but after reading reviews, my parents decided that only a Kitchen Aide would do, however, they weren't buying it. Boo. Sooo, I got smart and told everyone to just give me cash towards one, and with the combined gifts from my parents, Josh's parents, and Megan & Jonathan, I finally received my mixer yesterday. :) I'm a happy girl. Now, what to make first....

Fireworks

2011-07-04T10:26:00.001-05:00

Last night we were invited over to our friends' house to watch a 4th of July firework show put on by one of their relatives. This is the 2nd year we've been invited over for this, and we always have a great time. We headed over there around 7, and while there was still daylight, the kids played in the backyard and a few people fished in the pond behind their house. Aidan finally figured out that he doesn't have a hook on his fishing pole, and kept insisting that we put one on for him. However, he will not receive a hook until his casts are consistently straight. He does pretty good, but occasionally one will go straight up in the air. The last thing I want is for him to hook the back of his head or someone else. Ouch!

Everyone brought desserts to share, so there was quite a yummy selection to choose from. The kids each got to do a sparkler, which Aidan loved. Then the hour long fireworks show began. It did not disappoint, and it was great to see such a fantastic show without fighting crowds! Aidan loves fireworks and had such fun watching them with his friends. Quinn seemed to enjoy watching them as well, at the beginning. He was pretty tired by this point, so he was being a bit difficult. I had attempted to lay him down in his pack n play prior to the firework show, but he freaked out quite a bit. He's pretty particular about sleeping in his own bed at his own house. Despite this, it was a great time for all! Thank you Lance and Jennifer for having us over!

Sparklers

Getting ready to watch some fireworks

Aidan and a few of his friends

Aidan enjoying the show

Quinn watching while chewing on a bag of goldfish

Our family

Happy Independence Day!!!!!

Spaghetti

2011-07-03T18:20:00.001-05:00

Quinn had his first introduction to a spaghetti dinner tonight. It seemed to be a success.

Nom nom nom

That pectus excavatum of his makes a great place to store some noodles for a future snack.

Yummy!

Aidan prefers his spaghetti without the sauce, and it's probably for the best as this 4 year old still shoves his spaghetti into his mouth with his hands. Sauce-less spaghetti for big brother means we only have one child to clean up after dinner.

nine months

2011-07-02T14:03:00.029-05:00

I'm not sure how it happened so quickly, but Quinn is 9 months old today. I keep telling time to stop or possibly slow down, but it just never seems to listen to me.

Quinn is an impossibly happy child. With his easy grin and big round baby blues, he sure is one of the cutest babies I've ever had the pleasure to lay my eyes on.

As I've said many times before, those 2 middle fingers are never far from Quinn's mouth.

So expressive for such a little face.

While he still isn't quick on those knees of his, Quinn has finally figured out how to pull those knees up and crawl. Despite being easily outrun, he still manages to get into things and places faster than you realize he can.

I mustn't forget to discuss this big brother of his. I LOVE watching the two of them together as their relationship develops. They are entirely too sweet. Aidan loves to hug and love on Quinn, and Quinn will hug right back (with an occasional hair pull). Quinn watches and laughs at Aidan, and Aidan loves to entertain him. Aidan is constantly asking if certain toys are okay for Quinn to play with, and if they are, he lovingly shares his toys with his baby brother. Aidan keeps an eye out for his brother, and I often hear, "No, Quinn, don't put that in your mouth!" as he pulls wires or papers away from Quinn's hands. I so look forward to watching this relationship continue to blossom.

Quinney's new hair

2011-06-24T17:28:00.002-05:00

When Quinn was first born, he had a mass of black hair with blond highlights. I loved it. I especially loved the highlights, though I didn't hold out much hope that they would stay. And they didn't. But I thought for sure he would be my dark headed child. Not that Aidan doesn't have brown hair, but it was never black like Quinn's was, so I truly thought Quinn's hair would always be darker.

Though my hair has gotten darker with age, I was a blond haired child, and I've always wanted a blond haired child of my own. However, when I married Josh and took a look at all the heads in his family, I realized my blond haired child dream would probably never become a reality. The majority of heads in his family contain dark hair, and dark hair is a dominant gene.

A few months after Christmas, the hair on the back of Quinn's head started falling out. I fretted over this and tried to do everything possible from preventing this common ailment to baby hair. I finally just started hiding it by not photographing the back of his head or keeping hats on him.

When Quinn's hair started growing back, it was a much lighter color. I got excited, but I was hesitant to believe it was blond. However, I'm starting to believe more and more that it will at least be a dirty blond.

But remember how I said the back of his hair fell out? Well, that's true to this day, and while he has already had his first haircut, it wasn't enough to even it all out.

He's still very brown in the front, and is beginning to take on the look of a reversed skunk. I do think all the brown will eventually fall out because as of last week, he had a brown stripe of hair along the bottom of his head on the backside, and as you can see from the picture I took earlier today, that stripe is now gone. However, I decided to get out the scissors and help out his hair a bit.

Still not perfect, but a little more uniform, and gives him an entirely different look. I'm still getting used to it as I'm used to a dark headed baby with tons of hair, but it looks like I may get my blond child afterall.

Crazy Summer Time

2011-06-15T11:07:00.001-05:00

Summer has hit and has caused life to take off with it. It's amazing to me how busy one's life can become in a blink of an eye. Memorial day weekend, my sister and her family moved back to Dallas, (Yay!!!!) so time was spent helping them unpack into my parents' house. It's only for a year, but we are going to enjoy the only year we'll have together in the same city for some time.

Last week, Aidan and I enjoyed the first week of summer by spending just about every single morning at the pool. Quinn came along, too, of course. We're going to have to figure something out about our normal pool schedule because it's falling right in the middle of Q's naptime, so I've been carrying around a sleeping baby while trying to keep up with a busy 4 year old. I did manage to make a ring sling out of mesh that I am hoping will be waterproof enough to not weigh down in the pool. After the pool, we'd come home for naps, I'd cook dinner, and then Aidan and I were off to swim lessons.

As soon in the previous post, Quinn is also becoming more and more mobile. While he's not yet up on all fours crawling, he can manage to scoot himself around the room quite proficiently. I am now running around all the rooms making sure no cords, shoes, papers, or small toys are laying on the floor as those would of course be his favorite things to find and chew on. So far, he pretty much just stays in the living room, although I did set him in his bedroom with toys the other morning while I was getting dressed only to find him the hallway on his way to my bedroom. It's only a matter of time before that kid is off and running, and I'm not sure I'm ready for it yet.

Aidan is spending this week at VBS with a friend from preschool. He's been loving it, and for that I'm so glad. He comes home and tells me all about going to Mary's house and learning about her son Jesus. He's such a little sponge. He's also enjoying his playtime with Caden.

While Aidan is gone, I try to spend the time getting the house cleaned up and start a packing list for Sea World because we are off to San Antonio on Sunday. Aidan is SO stinking excited about this trip, and I'm excited just to witness it all through his eyes. BUT, preparing to go with not only Aidan, but Quinn as well means we have a TON of stuff to pack and prepare for. Aidan is good with a few changes of clothes, bathing suit, and sunscreen. Quinn, however, requires so much more. I'm not going to have my kitchen to make baby food, so I need to get some jars, I have to remember the stroller, the pack n play, hat, cool clothes, baby sunscreen, baby spoons, toys, diapers, wipes, and the list goes on and on. Needless to say, I haven't yet accomplished my goal of getting close to ready to go.

Maybe once we return from vacation, we can begin enjoying a lazy summer...

My Life is About to Get A Lot Busier!

2011-06-12T17:08:00.001-05:00

Swim Lessons

2011-06-11T22:23:00.000-05:00

This past week, Aidan has taken part in an hour's worth of swim lessons every day. The swim instructors claimed that the kids would be swimming across the pool by the end of the week. While I was skeptical of this, I was very impressed with all that they did each day. Aidan is a child that I have never worried about possible drowning because he won't go anywhere near water in which he can't touch the bottom. If you are with him in an area like that, he clings to you like a baby monkey to its mama. However, with Quinn to watch out for at the pool this summer as well as Aidan, I just felt better with him having a bit of swimming instruction under his belt. He did not manage to swim the length of the pool on his own, but he can swim. The problem comes with him wanting to swim. He's still very comfortable where his feet touch the ground. With season passes to the local water park and plenty of friends with pools, we spend the majority of our summer days in the water, so I will continue to practice his swimming with him throughout the course of the summer. Especially now that I've almost completed my waterproof baby sling. I'll have to show that off later. For now, here's some pictures and videos from Mr. Aidan learning to swim.

First time to jump in without a floatation device around his middle.

Boogie board across the pool.

Back float.

Swimming underwater while holding the instructor's hands.

Swimming across while holding one hand.

{eight}

2011-06-02T19:16:00.000-05:00

Eight incredible months with this gorgeous boy.

Eight incredible months with this drooling boy.

Eight incredible months with this loved-by-his-big-brother boy.

Eight incredible months with this dog loving boy.

Eight incredible months with this fingers-are-never-far-from-my-mouth boy.

Eight incredible months with this blue eyed boy.

Eight incredible months with this mama's boy.

Eight incredible life changing months have just flown past, and I wouldn't change them for anything in this world. Baby Q, you are adored.

Zoo

2011-05-13T23:05:00.000-05:00

Aidan, Quinn, and I were invited by some good friends of ours to go to the zoo today. It was a gorgeous day with perfect zoo going weather. Here's a sampling of the pictures I took and the activities we did today.

We started out watching the African Penguins swim around a bit.

We ate lunch next to the lions.

Quinn enjoyed spending time outdoors and watching one or two animals that he could actually see through glass bottom enclosures on the Wilds of Africa exhibits.

Ben and Aidan watching the giraffes.

Aidan so badly wanted to touch a giraffe, and they can close enough for him to do so a few times. However, as they would get close to his hand, he would pull away, and then get upset about not touching it. After a few times of this, we had to leave and let the next group come in. Aidan wasn't too happy, but I told him we would try again next time. It was really cool to be that close to a giraffe though.

Baby Joel.

One of the neatest things we saw (in my opinion, anyway) was the lion show. They brought the two male lions in and showed us how they train them. This pose here was the last one they showed us to to demonstrate how big these lions are, and they're not even full grown yet. They're only 2 years old.

Ben and Aidan having fun on kangaroo statues after leaving the petting zoo.

Aidan, Ben, and Addie climbing rocks. We spent a lot of time climbing rocks. Five kids forces adults to slow down and just enjoy whatever you can get to without worrying about what you miss.

We had a blast. Thank you, Bea, for inviting us!

Dedication

2011-05-07T22:14:00.000-05:00

Tonight at church, we had our parent dedication service in which Josh and I promised to raise Quinn up in a Christian home. As part of the service, a life verse was choosen by the parents of each child. For Quinn, we chose 1 Samuel 1:27 - "For this child I have prayed, and the Lord has granted my request." Aidan was dedicated as a baby, but chosing a life verse was not a part of his ceremony, so one was chosen and read for him tonight. "Every good and perfect gift is from about, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17

Each of the these verses contains special meaning for our children. I have used 1 Samuel 1:27 since the day Quinn was born. Because of Levi, Quinn was probably one of the most prayed for babies, and I have thanked God every single day of his life for allowing me to be his mother here on earth. Aidan is most definitely a perfect gift sent to us from heaven. He is an absolute delight in my life, and is so full of joy.

I have just a few pictures from tonight taken by the youth pastor of our church. The rest I may have to steal off my parents' camera since they didnt' take any on mine. :)

Our family outside the church prior to the service.

Pastor Rod reading Quinn's life verse.

Friends and family gathered around to pray over our family.

First Haircut and First Tooth

2011-05-03T17:49:00.003-05:00

I didn't do a 7 month post, but Quinn turned 7 months old just yesterday. This first year just seems to be flying by, and with that comes a few firsts. I had a hard time cutting Aidan's hair for the first time, but at 9 months old, my mom and sister handed me a pair of scissors and made me trim it. Now that I look back at pictures, I can see why. He had lost a lot of his hair on the back of his head, but kept everything on top, so it did look a bit ridiculous. Well, his baby brother is following in his footsteps when it comes to hair growth. Josh often refers to Quinn's hair as the "reverse male pattern balding." It's quite sad actually, and I try to hide it by never ever taking pictures of the back of his head. Some hairs are beginning to grow back on the backside, and they appear to be a bit on the blonde side, so we shall see. But last week, I decided it couldn't continue, and needed some help, so today was the day to take care of it all
.

Quinn's unruly hair this morning

If you look closely (or enlarge the picture by clicking on it), you can see Quinn's first tooth down on his bottom gum. It popped up on Easter morning, but it's just now grown enough to see in a picture.

Mr. Steve giving Quinn his first haircut

What's going on?

Big brother hanging out. He's been going to Mr. Steve since he was 11 months old, so he's an old pro.

Doing good

Curly - Q

Mohawk

Almost done

End result

Quinney-Poo, you're growing up way too fast for Mommy's liking.

Two Years

2011-04-30T07:10:00.088-05:00

I'm not really sure how to start this post, or even what to say. All I know is that today is 2 years since we said goodbye to Levi all too soon.

It's funny how all the emotions of that day can still come back and bulldoze me - sadness, depression, guilt, anger, worthlessness, pain, fear, loneliness, disorientation...just to name a few. It's all so overwhelming, and feels as if it will never end. While the mind-numbing pain of his loss no longer affects me daily, he is still constantly on my mind, and I don't believe I will ever stop thinking about or longing for Levi's little hands in mine. I have my good days, and I have my bad days. On my good days, I am completely over the moon in love with my husband and two other children, and thank God for my blessings, but I still wish I could have Levi. On my bad days, I just want to tune out the world, curl up in a ball, and cry one more time about my lost baby. Today is a bad day.

I still ask why. A lot. I no longer expect an answer. I know an answer won't come until the day I see Jesus face to face. But on that day, I don't think it'll matter anymore. Levi will once again be in my arms. I imagine scooping him up at the gates of heaven. It's a wonderful dream of mine.

I can truthfully say that while I'm still in turmoil at times, I have a peace most days. I thank my God for that peace. I never thought it would come, but it did, and I know my loving Savior poured out his peace over me. So many promises are given through Biblical passes. I clung to several:

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3

Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted. Matthew 5:4

But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. Isaiah 40:3

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which trancends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians. 4:6-7

I continue to cling to these promises as I know God is still working in me. I never could have made it this far without his loving arms holding me up and guiding me moment by moment. Thank you, God, for loving me.

The hardest part for me has been learning how to raise my two living boys in the midst of grief. I'm terrified of losing them, too, so sometimes I cling too hard. I'm having to learn to trust God to protect them when they are out of my sight.

I've periodically shared songs that have touched my heart in some way since something about music is so potent to me nowadays. I ran across this song awhile back, and felt it accurately reflects my thoughts about Levi. It's called Not a Day Goes By by Lonestar.

Got a memory of you I carry in my soul
I wrap it close around me when the nights get cold
If you asked me how I'm doin' I'd say just fine
But the truth is baby, if you could read my mind

Not a day goes by that I don't think of you
After all this time you're still with me it's true
Somehow you remain locked so deep inside
Baby, baby, oh baby, not a day goes by

Levi,
Dear precious child of mine, you are always on my mind. How I wish I could have stayed up late last night putting the finishing touches on your birthday cake, and spent the last few weeks fretting over what to get you for your birthday. I wish that today we had the house decorated and were awaiting the arrival of friends and family to come celebrate your two years on earth. I wish that my house would be filled with the laughter of a small boy and his friends. Instead, we will take flowers to your grave and tears will flow from our eyes as we lament the loss of your life before you ever took your first breath of air. My child, I love you dearly, and I HATE that my disease is what most likely took your life. For that I am so utterly sorry. I rejoice knowing that you will never feel this sadness that breaks my heart. Happy 2nd Heavenly Birthday, my love.
Mommy

Bird in Hand

2011-04-28T17:26:00.001-05:00

I finished a book I randomly chose from the library today, and a passage on the last page surprisingly stood out to me in a way I didn't expect considering this was a "just for fun" read.

"Each moment of loss, she has come to believe, contains within it the possibility of a new life. When the unimaginable happens, and your life changes irrecovably, you may find along with the pain a kind of grace. And in the place of certainty and fear - the fear of losing what you had - you are left with something startling: a depth of empathy, a quivering sensitivity to the world around you, and the unexpected blessing of gratitude for what remains." - Bird in Hand by Christina Baker Kline

I'm obviously hyper-sensitive to anything that has to do with loss considering the date that is fast approaching, but I read these words over and over, and just kept thinking how true they are. The pain of loss is very real and very much always there, but with it, comes the reality of how truly blessed I am by what I still have - 2 beautiful, healthy, active living boys; a husband that loves me unconditionally; parents and siblings that support me; a home; food on the table; a God that provides - the list could go on. All of that gets taken for granted until you experience deep, heartwrenching loss, and then, you can't help but notice the small blessings in life.

Heaven's Voice

2011-04-27T15:34:00.001-05:00

I'm thinking of Levi a lot this week.

Heaven's Voice

Mama, although you can't see me right now for a while,

I'm growing in heaven and I often smile.

You'll always be special and close to my heart,

for you gave me life mom right from the start.

Mama please know I love you so much,

the time will soon come when I feel your touch.

On that glorious day we'll meet again,

look for me mom, I have Daddy's grin.

For now you must know I am happy and strong,

I play with the angels they teach me their songs,

If you listen real close, the songs you will hear

on the wind of the Spirit, they'll be so clear

So mama rejoice in our God who is strong,

time will pass quickly it won't be too long.

We'll stand together and look face to face,

beholding each other in this glorious place.

We'll worship forever our God who is true,

and love me enough, to give me to you.

-Cindi Diane Markham

My latest creations

2011-04-25T11:51:00.001-05:00

Last week I was inspired to pull out my sewing machine for the first time since Quinn's birth, and made a few items for my boys. I made each of them a newsboy cap and a tie. Quinn's tie is simply appliqued onto a onesie, whereas Aidan is wearing a neck tie. And here's a few photos of my darling models.

An Easter post is coming soon. We had a blast hanging out in Houston, and saw various family members, so stay tuned for a picture filled post.

Jude

2011-04-19T11:23:00.000-05:00

Yesterday morning, my newest nephew, Jude Maxwell, was born. He's an absolute cutie, and somehow, my brown headed sister and brother-in-law managed to produce their 3rd blonde headed baby.

He weighed 7lbs. 1oz. and was 19.5 inches long. So tiny!

My mom managed to sneak her way into the operating room with Megan and Jonathan, and was able to witness her second c-section birth (she was with me when Aidan was born) even though only the husband is typically allowed to be there.

The 3 big boys anxiously awaited the news of baby Jude's birth. Poor Aidan never really got to see Jude even after he was born though. Only siblings under the age of 14 are allowed in the rooms with the newborns. He cried for awhile about not seeing the baby. Luckily, we will be returning next weekend for Easter, and he'll be able to hold Jude then. Luke and Greyson are such proud big brothers.

Proud Mama and baby Jude.

I finally got my hands on him. Love him already.

Day 30 Picture Challenge

2011-04-15T09:24:00.002-05:00

I made it! This is the last of the picture challenges. I hope you enjoyed learning just a little bit more about me through photos.

A picture of someone you miss.

Day 29 Picture Challenge

2011-04-14T09:22:00.001-05:00

A picture that can always make you smile.

Aidan (5 months) and Josh

Bedtime Baby Babbles

2011-04-13T22:52:00.001-05:00

Tonight after I put Quinn to bed, I could hear him in his room for quite some time. At first I thought he was crying, which he usually does for just a bit before settling down and falling fast asleep. But then I heard him squealing, and after getting a good laugh while standing outside his room with my ear to his door, I decided I needed to record it and share. While this is a video, you will not see anything as the lights in his room were out. Just listen and have a good laugh at my baby's bedtime babbles.

Day 28 Picture Challenge

2011-04-13T09:22:00.001-05:00

A picture of something you're afraid of.

I don't have a picture to represent this, but one of my biggest fears is something happening to my family and being left alone in the aftermath.

I cringe every time Aidan gets in the car with someone other than me, and say a silent prayer for his safety and careful driving of the person in charge. I know I can't keep him with me forever, but I sure wish I could.

I've had nightmares about Josh dying a tragic death that have me left breathless when I wake up. Lately, we've been updating our life insurance policies and talking about what I should do about the house, cars, kids, a job, who I should get help from, etc. if something were to happen to him. While I know these are necessary items to discuss beforehand, it does not help my fear.

This is not a new fear I've developed since Levi's death as most would probably assume. Levi's death has made the fear stronger because I never want to live through that again, but even as a kid, I would have nightmares about my parents' deaths. They would die in a car crash or a house fire, and I would wake up sobbing not knowing what I should do if it really happened.

It's a fear I've learned to control through prayer. I know the only thing I can do is pray for God's protection over my family members and trust that they are in His hands.

Hanging with the Houstonians

2011-04-11T15:37:00.001-05:00

Aidan, Quinn, Mom, and I spent this past weekend visiting my sister and her family in Houston. Here a just a couple of fun pictures from our time together. Don't worry, there will be several more pictures coming up as it appears I will be traveling to Houston for the next two weekends to meet my newest nephew and spend Easter with my sister.

Uncle Jon Jon and his nephews

3 flying, pajama clad little boys loving their play time together.
Have I yet mentioned that my sister's family is moving home for a year at the end of May, and that L,G,&A are all going to be in the same preschool class next year and will get to play together all the time, and Quinn and Jude will spend most of their first years of lives together, and how giddy and extremely excited I am about all of this? No? Well, now I have, and now you know! :)

Day 27 Picture Challenge

2011-04-10T10:51:00.002-05:00

A picture of yourself and a family member.

I went with family members that haven't been previously posted on my blog. My grandparents.

Papa and Nanny - my mom's parents

Grandma - dad's mom. I love this picture for a couple of reasons. 1.) It's the last picture of have with my Grandmother before she passed away a few years later, and 2.) I was told that she probably wouldn't be able to make it to my wedding, but low and behold, she did.

Day 26 Picture Challenge

2011-04-09T09:41:00.001-05:00

A picture of something that means a lot to you.

Our church Life Group gave this to Josh and me last year for the one year anniversary of Levi's death.

Day 25 Picture Challenge

2011-04-08T09:27:00.001-05:00

A picture of you last year and how you've changed since then.

This is a hard one because so much happened last year. The most obvious one is that I'm not longer pregnant, and am now the mother of two living children.

*I never did share all of Quinn's birth pictures, and I probably never will due to their private nature and all the emotions of that day, but my dear friend, Sharon Brannick (http://www.brannickphotography.com/) came to the hospital the morning of his birth and stayed through the afternoon to document the day in photographs for me, something I will cherish always.*

Day 24 Picture Challenge

2011-04-07T10:26:00.002-05:00

A picture of something you crave a lot.

Day 22 & 23 Picture Challenge

2011-04-06T10:25:00.001-05:00

A picture that confuses you.

If something confuses me, I generally don't take a picture of it.

Moving on...

A picture of your favorite book.

Love, love, love this book! It's a fictional story based on the Biblical story of Hosea. Such a beautiful love story!

Day 21 Picture Challenge

2011-04-04T11:40:00.002-05:00

A picture of something you wish you could forget.

I don't wish to forget Levi. I do wish to forget the grief, pain, and heartache so present on our faces as we look upon the still body of our baby boy.

Day 20 Picture Challenge

2011-04-03T11:37:00.002-05:00

A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel.

Hawaii

Half

2011-04-02T11:05:00.001-05:00

...a year, that is.

My darling Quinn, today you are 6 months old. I can't believe how fast the time has gone by already. You are such a treasure to everyone in our family.

You are SO close to sitting up by yourself. Last night, we practiced and you would sit for a few seconds and then begin to lean. The bumbo chair is a great helper though!

You are such an easy baby. You are extremely laid back and just go with the flow. The only times you cry are when you are tired or hungry.

Those fingers kill me. They are never far from your mouth. That's going to be a hard habit to break.

Your smile comes so easily, and lights up your whole face. You have the tiniest little dimples whenever you smile, and I keep hoping they're there to stay.

You LOVE watching your big brother. He can make you smile more than anyone else with his silly antics.

Quinn, I love you more than you'll ever know. We are so blessed to have you as part of our family, and adore watching your little personality blossom.

Park Play

2011-04-01T18:31:00.002-05:00

We took advantage of the beautiful weather today and headed to the park.

Aidan showing off his flipping over the bar skills

Beautiful Boys

Those fingers are hardly ever out of his mouth. If you pull one hand out, he just switches to the other.

Love him

Monkey Man

Cuteness

Quinn's first time to swing

Big brother jumps in to help

April

2011-04-01T10:49:00.034-05:00

Today is the first of April. April Fool's Day to most. Not to me. April is not a month that brings laughter and smiles to my face. It should be. My sister's birthday is in April. My newest nephew will most likely be born in April. Easter is in April. All reasons to smile and celebrate during the month of April. But the clincher is that last day of April. The day I should be celebrating my 2nd son's 2nd birthday. April 30th. Instead that day is filled with grief and tears, as it is now known as the anniversary of the day my son died.

It's not a day I look forward to living through again. I've noticed my grief returning stronger lately as the date approaches. The memories of that day haunt me in my dreams again. The joy and excitement I had as I entered labor & delivery the morning of April 30, 2009 in hopes of meeting my son that day, only to have it all come crashing down with a few little words. "I'm sorry. There's no heartbeat." I hate that memory. It's all permanently etched in my brain.

I'm not sure what I want to do in memory of him this year, but I know I want to do something. And I simply ask that everyone remember him with me on his birthday.

Day 19 Picture Challenge

2011-03-31T12:03:00.001-05:00

A picture of a habit you wish you didn't have.

Nail Biting.

For Aunt Megan

2011-03-31T00:02:00.000-05:00

Come feed me bananas and sweet potatoes!

Day 17 & 18 Picture Challenge

2011-03-30T10:09:00.001-05:00

I'm taking liberties with this picture challenge and am choosing to skip day 17 as I don't really want to think about my biggest insecurity or come up with a picture to represent it.

I will, however, find a picture of my favorite place.

The Beach

And one day, I'll actually go to a beach that has water this blue and sand this white. My only experience is with the Gulf and its muddy brown water.

Day 16 Pictures Challenge

2011-03-29T10:35:00.001-05:00

A picture of you and your friends.

This one was a little harder than I originally thought it would be for 2 reasons:

1.) I have many different groups of friends that don't necessarily know one another, so I couldn't find just one picture of all my friends.

2.) I tend to not take pictures of me and my friends anymore. While searching through my photos, the majority are of my children. I need to remedy this. I'll regret not having more pictures of my friends later in life.

To solve the first dilemma, I created a collage.

And this next one has always been one of my favorites of Monica and me. It is from college, and further proves #2 above as I have no pictures of Monica and me beyond our weddings. She shows up here and there in birthday party photos, but none of just me and her.

First Bites

2011-03-26T11:23:00.002-05:00

I was originally planning to wait until the day Quinn turned 6 months old (which would be next Saturday) to start feeding him solid foods, but this week he's been watching me eat, opening his mouth whenever I put food in my mouth, and wanting to nurse non-stop, so I decided he's ready to eat. This morning, I smashed up an avocado, mixed it with a little formula (you know, since hundreds of free samples were mailed to me, and this child abhors the taste of formula, and I have to do something with it because I can't just throw it away), and gave Quinn his first taste of solids.

First bite

Maybe I like this stuff.

Then again, maybe not.

Another bite

Mom, what are you doing to me?

Seriously, stop.

Regardless of his facial expressions, Quinn willingly opened his mouth for each and every bite, and swallowed it all. There was a point where he simply held the food in his mouth rather than swallowing it, but eventually, he swallowed it. He didn't eat much, and happily went back to nursing afterwards, but I froze the leftovers, and we'll try again tomorrow. I didn't expect him to like it the first few times anyway.

Day 15 Picture Challenge

2011-03-24T13:41:00.001-05:00

A picture of something you want to do before you die.

Travel Europe.

Day 13 & 14 Picture Challenge

2011-03-22T13:21:00.003-05:00

Today's challenge is a picture of your favorite band or artist. I, however, do not really have a favorite. I'm not hugely into music. I will listen to bands/artists/songs that other people recommend to me, but I don't really go out and hunt for good stuff myself. A lot of times, I simply turn off the radio in the car. I tend to enjoy quiet. As far as music goes though, lately, I've just been listening to the Glee soundtracks. I like that music, but Glee isn't a band or the artist of any of the songs, so I don't think that counts.

Therefore, I'm skipping ahead to Day 14.

A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without.

That would be the hubs.

Speaking of the hubs, he got his 30th birthday present (which was yesterday) on Sunday evening.

Yep, a tattoo of Levi's name. This is not the full design that he picked out, but he couldn't handle any more than this at the moment. Apparently, it hurt. He may go back later and finish it, or he may not. I only conceded on this because it was what he wanted to remember Levi by. I have jewelry, he has a tat.

Day 12 Picture Challenge

2011-03-20T13:25:00.001-05:00

A picture of something you love.

Surprise!

2011-03-19T10:25:00.001-05:00

Josh's 30th birthday is this coming Monday, so last night, I took him out to dinner for his birthday. My parents watched the kids, and when we returned to get them, Josh was surprised by a house full of friends and family waiting to celebrate his birthday.

Josh's reaction

Aidan ran to the entry way and yelled, "Surprise!" before Josh ever made it all the way into the living room.

It was a beautiful day yesterday, so most of the party was spent outside under my parents gazebo while the kids played with the car, scooter, and wagon on the driveway.

Since it was Spring Break, Mom was home and I was able to spend all day at her house getting ready for the party. I made salsa, guacamole (that didn't last very long), and two kinds of cupcakes - peanut butter icing on chocolate brownie (those were a huge hit) and white cake with chocolate chip cookie dough inside and buttercream icing.

Leslie and Monica

Some of the kiddos playing

Josh and Aidan now have the same shoes

The party was a success. Josh was genuinely surprised, and told me afterwards how much it meant for everyone to participate in making his birthday special. I love you, Josh!

Day 11 Picture Challenge

2011-03-18T08:37:00.001-05:00

A picture of something you hate.

The miles and miles and miles of cute little girl clothing in each and every store. I have boys. I hate that the boy section only gives the choices of green or blue polo shirts, button ups, t-shirts, or pants. There should be more options of both color and style for boys. I declare that for every item of clothing on the girl side, there should be an equivalent on the boy side.

Day 10 Picture Challenge

2011-03-17T14:06:00.001-05:00

A picture of someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future.

Ummm...this one is a bit easy.

The love of my life getting ready to go see Quinn be born.

Bittersweet

2011-03-14T17:54:00.000-05:00

About half an hour ago, I went in search of a blanket to lay on the floor for Quinn to play on. By no means are we lacking in blankets around considering babies tend to use a lot of blankets for various reasons, but for some reason, I decided to grab Levi's quilt. I don't know why. Quinn has his own quilt. I've never done it before, but something in me wanted to use it. It was made for a baby, so it needs to be used by a baby. My mom even says so, and since she's the one that made it, I figured I should allow all her hard work to be for a purpose. I have always love this quilt, too.

Quinn played for a bit, but not long after I placed him on the quilt, he laid his head down and fell asleep. And then it made me sad. I should have pictures of Levi playing and sleeping on this quilt.

At least I have Quinn.

Day 9 Picture Challenge

2011-03-14T09:07:00.003-05:00

A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.

Mom and Dad

They supported and encouraged me in all my endeavours. They prayed over me. They taught me to never accept less than my best. They introduced me to Christ. They gave one another shots so they could learn how to take care of my diabetes. They wiped away my tears. My dad placed my hand in Josh's and gave me away with a kiss on my wedding day. They rejoiced over becoming grandparents when Aidan was born. They cried with me when Levi died. They held my hand at Levi's funeral. They prayed for Quinn's safe arrival. They rejoiced when he was born alive. Most importantly, they have always let me know how much they love me.

Day 8 Picture Challenge

2011-03-13T08:00:00.001-05:00

A picture that makes you laugh.

Only because I remember the yells. "It tickles! Get it off! This feels so weird! Get it off! Get it off!" :)

Day 7 Picture Challenge

2011-03-12T11:20:00.001-06:00

A picture that shows your true self.

I have no idea how to answer this one, but here's my attempt. It will take more than one picture.

This represents my life as a daughter, and how much I love and respect my parents.

My life as a sister. We fought as children (we got along at times, too), but now as adults, I cherish my relationships with my brother and sister. I am so glad my parents didn't stop at me, and gave me the priviledge of having 2 siblings.

This picture shows my life as a wife, and the love I have for my husband. He is my rock.

My family. They are a huge part of who I am.

My wild side. I got my nose pierced against my mother's wishes. :)

My life as a mom. This was the first day that Aidan met Quinn, and I was absolutely overwhelmed with my love for both of them and so much relief that Quinn made it into my arms alive.

My life as a bereaved mother. I still miss him every single day.

Day 6 Picture Challenge

2011-03-11T23:13:00.001-06:00

A picture of somewhere you've been.

I've been to a lot of places, although none of them are super exciting. I'm still waiting for my promised cruise that Josh gave me 6 1/2 years ago. I'd love to go to Hawaii or Europe. I've been to Mexico and Disney World, but all those trips were before 2005 and I only have pictures on my computer starting in the year 2005. I'm not really sure what happend to the years prior to that. They're probably on the external hard drive since we got a virus several months back and had to wipe our computer clean. sigh.

When Aidan was 16 months old, we went to Chicago.

Here we are in the Shedd Aquarium where Aidan said the word "turtle" for the first time.

Later that same month, once he was 17 months old, we went to Port Aransas. It's not the nicest beach, but it's one of my favorites because it holds so many memories. My family went there almost every summer growing up, so I loved being able to take my own child there.

One of my favorite photos from that trip taken by my lovely sister.

Greyson, Aidan, and Luke

Day 5 Picture Challenge

2011-03-09T09:10:00.001-06:00

A picture of my favorite memory.

I don't know that I can narrow this down to just ONE memory. There are so many to choose from, from so many different walks of life. Therefore, you are getting to witness a FEW of my MANY favorite memories from my adulthood since my childhood pictures no longer seem to be on my computer. I need to find those.

The day I married this man.

The day Aidan was born and I became a mom.

The day Quinn was born.

Day 4 Picture Challenge

2011-03-08T22:39:00.003-06:00

A picture of my evening.

Pardon my absence of picture challenges the past couple of days. I kept forgetting to take pictures of my evening. :)

Tonight, Josh had his discipleship group over, so Aidan, Quinn, and I hunkered down in the living room to watch some Phineas and Ferb. First, we had to put our cooler jammies on though because it was a bit hot in the house.

My boys are pretty stinkin' cute.

Aidan declared he was done taking pictures after this one, since it was one of many to actually get a successful picture of the both of them. SO, here's a few snapshots of Mr. Quinn.

My new cloth diapers came in the mail yesterday, and I'm pretty excited about the cuteness factor of the designs. Here is Quinn wearing one for the first time. I ordered 5 new ones. The others are black & white, red & white, teal & white, and mustard yellow & light yellow.

I left Quinn on the floor like this...

...and came back to this. Tonight was his first time to roll from his back to his front! He rolled the other direction at 12 weeks old. Granted, I don't give him much time on his back to attempt to roll because I'm a bit paranoid about a slightly flat spot on the side of his head that was pointed out to me at an earlier doctor appointment.

Aidan spent some time lying on the floor talking with Quinn/watching the television. I like how Quinn is completely captivated by Plastic Man in Aidan's hands. Aidan's going to have to watch out in a few short months, or his little brother is going to start taking over his toys.

Day 3 Picture Challenge

2011-03-05T13:50:00.000-06:00

A picture of the cast of your favorite TV show.

Bones

Day 2 Picture Challenge

2011-03-04T10:02:00.009-06:00

A picture of you and the person you have known the longest.

My mom seems the obvious answer here since she used to be pregnant with me and all.

However, due to the lack of pictures of just me and my mom, here's my entire family - Dad, Mom, Brian, me, Megan - you know, since I grew up with all of them, too. Mom, we've got to work on this picture problem.

Picture Challenge

2011-03-03T15:59:00.001-06:00

Due to my recent lack in blogging, I've decided to copy my sister and complete a 30 day blog picture challenge. That is, if she ever finishes and I get the complete list. :)

Day 1 - A picture of yourself with 15 facts.

1. Spring is my favorite season of the year. I love the warmer temps and being able to go outdoors with my children.
2. I LOVE to read. I could curl up with a book ignore the world around me all day - if I didn't have children, that is.
3. My favorite animal is a cat. I can live without a dog, but I will probably have a cat in the house until the day I die.
4. I dislike cleaning out the litter box.
5. I have an addiction to junk food. Chocolate, cookies, brownies, chips, guacamole, cheese, crackers, ice cream, etc. This is a bad thing since I'm in the process of losing baby weight.
6. I wish I enjoyed exercise. It would make the whole losing the baby weight thing a lot easier.
7. I love fruit also. Especially fresh pineapple and watermelon.
8. I love Suduko.
9. I don't like going to concerts. I find them dull.
10. When my husband and I first met, I wanted absolutely nothing to do with him.
11. I went to college at Texas A&M University.
12. I would love to design my own home someday.
13. I love getting letters in the mail. There's just something about opening up the mailbox and finding something with your name on it that's not a bill. It's much more personal that an email.
14. The beach is my favorite vacation spot.
15. I despise being a baby loss mom.

five

2011-03-02T16:47:00.003-06:00

months full of...

...baby blues

...brothers

...baby babbles

...loving bright colors

...blowing bubbles

...gummy smiles

...chewing fingers

...growing

...pure bliss

Weekend in Houston

2011-03-01T10:42:00.000-06:00

Aidan, Quinn, and I drove down to Houston and spent some time with Megan, Jonathan, Luke, and Greyson this past weekend. We came back yesterday, and on Sunday evening, the night before we were leaving, Meg and I realized we had not taken a single photo of the boys, so here are a few pictures of our ragamuffin children after a day of play at the park. (and I totally stole these first 2 pictures off your computer before I left, Meg :)

Luke, Greyson, Aidan, and Quinn

Luke, Greyson, Quinn, and Aidan

Monday morning, I snapped a few pictures of the boys playing choo choo train. They lined up all 4 of L&G's chairs, and then would sit in them saying, "Chugga-chugga, chugga-chugga, choo, choo!" It was cute.

Aidan, Luke, Greyson

And here's Quinney lying on the guest room bed while Mama packed up all our luggage. I didn't even realize until after I took the picture that he had frogs on his sleeper and is also holding onto his stuffed froggie.

We had a great time visiting, and I have decided we need to make a point of doing it more often. Aidan, Luke, and Greyson love playing together, babies grow too fast, and I just miss my sister. Megan commented that the last time she saw Quinn, he was still in the newborn stage, and now he's staying awake most of the day. It hadn't occured to me that he would have changed so much because I see him everyday. I was glad he gave Megan a ton of his adorable open mouth grins and he even giggled at her. Precious. On Saturday, we took the boys to the zoo. I lugged the giant sit n stand stroller with me, and I was glad I did. The back seat allowed for us to put all our food stuff until after lunch, and then the big boys were getting tired, so they took turns riding back there. At one point, we even took the baby seat out and let 2 big boys ride in the stroller while Quinn slept in the moby wrap. Meg, envision a trip to the zoo once baby Jude is born. :) Maybe we'll have 2 strollers then.

Cloth Diapering

2011-02-21T16:30:00.002-06:00

By no means am I an expert on cloth diapering, in fact, we only recently began cloth diapers on Quinn due to the vast number of disposables we received as gifts that I was so extremely grateful to receive, and we still have several boxes in larger sizes left as well, but I've had a few people ask me how I do it and what brand I use, and I've had a few people ask me why in the world would I chose to cloth diaper. My main answer to that question is the cost. If I had done all my research prior to Aidan's birth, he would have been cloth diapered as well. The cost of disposable diapers is about $72 a month, or between $1,600 to $2,300 by the time your child is potty-trained. The cost of cloth diaper is about $19 a month, or between $800 to $1,600 by the time your child is potty-trained. Huge difference.

Another answer to that question is because I started purchasing them when Aidan was a toddler in hopes of using them on Levi. Josh and I received several of them as gifts the Christmas I was pregnant with Levi, so I figure I might as well use them since I own them.

Aidan was about 18 months old, and I was just barely pregnant with Levi (no one but family knew I was pregnant at the time) when I was first introduced to cloth diapering. My view of cloth diapering at the time was this:

Cloth diapers have changed quite a bit since then. The diapers I was shown that evening were the bumGenius brand.

This is an All In One type diaper that has a lining that you simply remove after wearing. Both the lining and diaper are washed, the lining re-inserted, and then worn again. I also like this diaper because the front has snaps that allow you to change the diaper to 3 different sizes. That was easier for me because I didn't and don't have to worry about buying different size of diapers. At the time, I knew Aidan had at least another year in diapers and I would be buying for an infant, so I like the idea of both of them being able to wear the same diapers. While I have the Velcro closers, I've noticed that bumGenius now offers diapers with snap closers as well. Snaps may hold up better than Velcro, but I haven't had any problems with the Velcro yet, and free replacement Velcro is available if it ever does wear out.

I still have Quinn's diapers on the smallest setting, so you can't see the snaps available on the front, but these diapers can be worn starting at 8 lbs at the smallest setting to 35 lbs. at the largest setting. I have no experience with any other brand of diaper, so others may be just as good. In fact, please tell me of any other brands you like because I'm more than willing to try them out as we're finding we may need a few more diapers for Quinn.

The same Christmas we received diapers, we were also given this sprayer.

I would highly recommend it. It beats the dunking the diapers into the toilet water method. It connects to the water line on your toilet and hang on the side of your toilet. There's also an on/off switch by the bottom of the toilet, so your preschooler can't start spraying water across the bathroom. It's also a great tool for potty training as we learned with our experience with Aidan. I keep a hanging wet/dry bag on the back of the bathroom door. Ours is a Planet Wise bag. I also have a smaller one that I keep in the diaper bag.

I roll up all the dirty diapers and place them in the bag until it's time to wash them. I like keeping this in the bathroom because spraying the diapers off does make them drip with water, so then I can turn around and place it in the bag rather than trying to carry it across the house.

As far as washing the diapers, I tend to do a small load every other day. I first rinse the diapers in cold water. Then I wash them in hot water with 1/4 of the amount of detergent that is recommended. Currently, I'm using All Free & Clear detergent, but I am open to suggestions for what others like to use. I would get some build-up in the diapers while Aidan was wearing them, so I'd love to know what others use to avoid build-up. There is a method for stripping diapers if they do this, so it's not the end of the world if you notice your diapers are no longer as absorbent as they once were. After washing, I do a final rinse in cold water. The rinsing is the most important to make sure you wash out any extra detergent. That's what causes the build-up. I then throw the liners in the dryer on high heat and hang dry the covers.

I have not yet gotten around to purchasing reusable wipes, and I'm not sure that I want to, but part of me thinks if I'm using cloth diapers, it can't be too much extra work to wash off the wipes also.

That's about it. It's really a lot simpler than I imagined it would be.

Edited to add: Since writing this post, I have started using Country Save Laundry Detergent. It leaves no build-up in the diapers and I have been very pleased with it. Also, I now prefer the snap closures on the diapers rather than the Velcro. My Velcro tabs are now showing wear and no longer stick to the laundry tabs in the wash. They still work perfectly well, I just have a diaper chain when I pull them out of the washing machine.

Wordless Wednesday : A Series of Pictures

2011-02-16T10:17:00.002-06:00

Mr. Nutcracker

2011-02-14T22:09:00.000-06:00

I meant to write this post last Thursday when all this happened, but I totally forgot until I was scrolling through my pictures today.

Last Thursday, as I was buckling Quinn into his car seat in order to take Aidan to school, Aidan started telling me that he saw a nutcracker. I had no idea what he was talking about, and kept asking him where he was seeing this nutcracker. He continuously pointed to the driveway while telling me it's over there. Finally, I heard a little pecking noise. I looked up into the tree next to our driveway and saw what Aidan was talking about.

He blends in with the tree, but look at the middle branch, and you'll see a little woodpecker about midway up. I wanted to crop these pictures to make him easier to find, but we can't access our editing software at the moment due to computer issues.

We stood for awhile and watched him jump around the tree and peck away. I thought seeing this bird in our own backyard was really cool. I've never seen a woodpecker before unless the Woody Woodpecker cartoons count.

Aidan named him Mr. Nutcracker at first. However, on the drive to school, we had a discussion about the difference between a nutcracker (it cracks nuts) and a woodpecker (it pecks wood), and he renamed him Mr. Woodpecker.

Ice Day Activities

2011-02-03T16:45:00.002-06:00

This Mama has been going a little stir crazy this past week. We've been stuck in the house for the past 3 days due to a quarter inch thick sheet of ice coating every flat surface. It has caused schools to close for the past 3 days as well, which is absolutely unheard of here in Texas, but this ice just is not melting making the roads too dangerous to drive on. I actually considered going out today, but when I thought of all the bundling of my 2 little ones I'd have to do, I decided against it. Instead, during Quinn's nap today, Aidan and I had a few hours of no screen time.

First, I helped him make Valentine Day cards for his classmates. I cut. He chose colors and glued.

Then, we made a homemade paper mache mask of his face. This was in interesting project. I coated his face in Vaseline first, then dipped strips of newspaper in my paper mache mixture (1 part flour, 2 parts water if you're curious), and then laid the strips on his face.

He very patiently allowed me to do this, but the hardest part for him was not talking and keeping his face still, so the strips around his chin and mouth area kept slipping off. It was also taking a lot longer to dry than I anticipated, so I ended up removing the mask from his face and shaping it onto a ball and using play-doh to prop up the nose area. When it dries completely, I'll let him paint the mask and decorate it with feathers and glitter, etc. That's most likely a project for tomorrow since more snow is predicted to fall tonight.

Our last project of the day consisted of him making a picture with popsicle sticks. Once they were glued down, he used markers and stickers to finish making his picture.

Can you tell what it is? It's a bird house, of course. See the bird on the left side? In the right corner is the bird's bed, pillow, and blankets. Today is the bird's birthday. He's wearing a party hat, there are presents and cake on his bed, and balloons are floating around. And the stickers on the floor...those are the bird's toys. All Aidan's idea. I did help break the sticks though.

By the time all this was finished, Aidan was ready for his nap, which is where he is currently residing, so I'm enjoying the little bit of quiet I have now. Of course, my quiet also includes baby coos and music as Quinn is grinning at himself in a mirror and laying under his play mat.

Happy...

2011-02-02T12:29:00.002-06:00

...Four Months to a Happy Four Month Old!

Bath Time

2011-02-01T14:56:00.002-06:00

Aidan has always loved his bath time, but now that Quinn bathes with him, bath time is even more fun. Even Quinn likes bath time with his big brother. Quinn sits in his bath chair and tracks every movement Aidan makes with his eyes, and Aidan loves to help wash Quinn.

Bath time is full of a lot of smiles these days. These brothers do adore one another.

And I adore them. :)

Levi

2011-01-22T23:03:00.003-06:00

Levi has unexpectedly been on my mind a lot today. I think of him daily, but today things just struck rather painfully. Earlier today, I was out shopping with my mom and while browsing Mardel, I ran across the following poem in a picture frame:

The Broken Chain
We little knew that morning that God
Was going to call your name.
In life we loved you dearly,
In death we do the same.
It broke our hearts to lose you,
You did not go alone;
For part of us went with you,
The day God called you home.
You left us peaceful memories,
Your love is still our guide;
And though we can not see you,
You are always at our side.
Our family chain is broken,
And nothing seems the same;
But as God calls us one by one,
The chain will link again.

The last 4 lines really brought tears to my eyes as I read them.

Then the sermon at church tonight was about God's sustaining grace during times of trials and turning to Him for peace. The teaching pastor repeatedly referenced trials that require God's grace to pull through, and how there will be situations in our lives that we cannot handle by ourselves without altering who we are for the worse, and those are the times that we must rely on God's strength. And my mind went to Levi and the way that God has given small bits of peace each time we turn to Him. I'll never understand why Levi was taken from us, and his memory is both precious and painful to me, but I cherish those memories. The closing song talked about God's healing, and as I glanced over to Josh, he was doodling Levi's name in his notebook. I laid my head on Josh's shoulder and felt his tears touch my forehead. Josh's mind was on Levi, too.

Levi, my beloved, I miss you.

Birthday Boy

2011-01-19T08:53:00.049-06:00

Today is Aidan's 4th birthday. My firstborn is growing up way too fast right before my very eyes, and I can do nothing to stop the time. I'm still wondering what happened to his first year of life, and now I'm facing his 4th year. We celebrated this past Saturday with family and a handful of Aidan's closest friends in our home with a Star Wars party.

Aidan requested an R2-D2 cake, and I delivered despite the fact that at 9pm Friday night I was panicking because the cake was not coming together as I imagined. However, I improvised and Aidan was rather pleased with the outcome I produced.

All the kids received light sabers and Jedi costumes as party favors, and Josh lead them through a series of Jedi training games. At the end of the light saber training, my brother came out dressed as Darth Vader. Josh fought him first and then each of the kids had the opportunity to fight and defeat Darth Vader.

Tonight, Josh and I will give Aidan his gifts from us and then take him out for birthday ice cream after dinner.

Happy Birthday, Aidan. Thank you for giving me the gift of motherhood. I have absolutely loved every minute of it.

And...

2011-01-18T21:50:00.001-06:00

...we now have another thumb sucker.

Answers

2011-01-17T19:32:00.001-06:00

After reading through the comments I received on here and on facebook about my boys' pictures, I realized I must not have made myself super clear. The two sets of pictures didn't necessarily line up as far as picture 1 and 2 went, so picture 1 on set 1 was not the same child as picture 1 on set 2. Regardless, here are the answers.

Set 1 -
Picture 1: Quinn
Picture 2: Aidan

Set 2 -
Picture 1: Aidan
Picture 2: Quinn

Great job, everyone!

Snow!

2011-01-10T18:56:00.002-06:00

It snowed yesterday, and while I would have been perfectly content gazing at the snow from the comfort of my warm home, my almost 4 year old son decided otherwise, therefore, causing me to bundle both myself and him up to go out and play in the snow.

"Catch, Mommy!"

Quinn stayed bundled up inside where it was warm.

Snow Angel

SNOW!!!!!!!

Daddy came out to play after Quinn fell asleep.

Who is Who?

2011-01-09T11:49:00.002-06:00

Here's a fun game for you. Or maybe it's more for me. In each set of pictures, one of the babies is Aidan and one of the babies is Quinn. The question I pose for you is can you tell them apart? Leave me a comment giving me your best guess, and I'll post the answers in a few days time.

Set 1

Set 2

Christmas

2010-12-31T00:30:00.002-06:00

I'm a few days behind on the Christmas blogging, but we've been busy with visiting cousins before they return home and getting over nasty colds. I'm hoping the sickness in our house around Christmas time isn't becoming a tradition. Josh is the only one who seems to be immune from it all. Even poor Quinn has been suffering from his first cold. He was running a fever a few days before Christmas, but luckily it only lasted a night. Unfortunately, however, Quinn, Aidan, and myself all have been sneezing and suffering from running and congested noses. At least we haven't come down with the oh so wonderful stomach virus we had last Christmas.

Josh's Aunt Theresa and Uncle Ben sent Quinn these adorable jammies.

And Grammy gave all her grandsons jammies as well.

Luke

Greyson

Quinn seems a bit outnumbered here. It's a good thing he'll have a little buddy in about 4 months. Yep, I'm getting another nephew!

My cuties

On Christmas Eve, Quinn gave Daddy a few smiles while Aidan helped Grandma bake cookies in the kitchen.

Us.

On Christmas morning, Aidan woke up to find Santa had eaten his cookies and milk and left him a thank you note.

Quinn's favorite gift was this black and white book. It's the only thing he seemingly showed any interest in at all.

Mario and Donkey Kong from Uncy B.

I think the swords were Aidan and Daddy's favorite gift (even though the sword Josh is playing with is actually Grey's. Josh did say today that we needed to get Aidan another one because what fun is it to play with just one sword. I think he secretly wants it for himself.)

The annual grandson picture. This seems to get a little harder each year.

Megan, me, and Brian

Us again.

Overalls

2010-12-21T17:17:00.001-06:00

Considering the 80 degree weather we have here today on December 21st, I pulled these darling overalls out of Quinn's closet. I wasn't sure if he'd ever get to wear them considering the size does not exactly coincide with the season. You see, these overalls were originally bought by my mom while I was expecting Levi, and Levi was due in May while Quinn was born in October. Spring/Summer vs. Fall/Winter.

Quinn looks absolutely precious in these overalls, but I admit, I dressed him with a bit of sadness today. I told him all about his big brother as I put his arms through the sleeves. I told Quinn how Levi was supposed to wear these clothes, but never got the chance. I told him it saddens me that he'll never know Levi as anything more than a name and a picture that goes with a heartbreaking story.

Quinn loves to gaze at the Christmas tree lights. As he sat there today in his brother's clothes, I was once again reminded that this time of the year is missing something. Without Levi, my family isn't complete and Christmas has always been a "get the whole family together and celebrate" holiday. While I know Levi isn't missing this because he is in such a better place, we sure are missing him.

I'm missing the babe I never rocked.

I'm missing the hand I never held.

I'm missing the smile I never saw.

I'm missing the little boy that never wore his overalls.

Santa Again!

2010-12-17T14:42:00.001-06:00

Aidan came home from school yesterday telling me all about his fun Christmas party. They ate pizza and cupcakes, and had a book exchange (Aidan came home with Green Eggs and Ham). But I think the most exciting part for Aidan was that he got to see Santa again and Santa gave him a candy cane. He told me all about how Santa came to chapel and he told Santa he wanted video games and Batman toys and he took his picture with Santa and then he got a candy cane. This morning, I received an email with the following pictures and I'm very glad to have them.

Aidan and his classmates and teacher.

Christmas this year is just so much fun with Aidan. He's so excited about it and really gets into the Christmas spirit. Yes, he's excited about receiving gifts from Santa and family members, but he's also really excited to give others their gifts. He has watched me wrap a lot of the presents and keeps asking if it's time to give them away yet. Part of that may be that he wants to play with a few of the gifts I've wrapped up, specifically Luke and Greyson's gifts :) , but he still has such a sweet spirit.

Brotherly Love

2010-12-16T11:54:00.002-06:00

Have I mentioned before that Aidan absolutely adores his baby brother? He's constantly telling me when Quinn is upset or when he needs his pacifier (p.s. Don't ever call it a paci in front of Aidan. He will correct you and tell you that it is a PACIFIER, not a paci.) If Quinn is sitting in his bouncer and starts to fuss, Aidan will walk over to Quinn and start talking to him. Half the time, he can get Quinn to stop crying while he stares intently at his big brother. Aidan doesn't love that Quinn isn't old enough to play yet, however. At least once a week, usually more, I am asked if Quinn is bigger yet. Another month or two and he can dangle toys above Quinn's head for Quinn to bat at. I know that's not quite what he has in mind for playing, but it'll have to do for now. Quinn has started his baby babbling, and I receive an update every time Quinn makes a noise. "Did you hear that funny noise, Mommy?" "Quinn just talked, Mommy. Did you hear him?" The other day, I caught Aidan telling Quinn about his day at school. It was so sweet. My heart melts each time I witness the love Aidan has for Quinn. God has certainly blessed me with these two boys, and I am so honored to have the opportunity to raise them into young men who know how to love, and who teach me how to love daily.

I only wish Levi were included in these precious moments. I long for the day when I can hold all of my children in my arms at the gates of heaven.

Christmas Time - so far

2010-12-15T12:29:00.001-06:00

The Christmas holidays have always been my favorite time of the year. I love getting down all the decorations and spreading Christmas throughout my home. I love adding to my collection each and every year. However, last Christmas and now this Christmas are hard. Last year, the only reason I decorated my house and even celebrated was for Aidan's sake. This year, while it's a bit easier, it still hurts. The only thing I've added to my decor is Quinn's stocking. Josh looked at the stockings I've made and requested that I make one for Levi. I don't know that I can. I don't want to be sad every time I look at my mantle. I cried as I pulled Levi's ornaments from last year out of their boxes. While, I treasure them, I'm saddened each time I look at them. He will never be here to place his ornaments upon our Christmas tree. I need to get Aidan an ornament for this year. Years from now, I don't want him asking why he doesn't have a 2010 ornament, and my only reply to be, "because it was too hard to shop for them."

Josh and I went to our Life Group's Christmas party the first weekend in December. I didn't want to go last year and I didn't want to go this year as I have a hard time being social this time of the year, but I did both times because people made me, and had a good time both years.

This is a picture of Aidan telling Santa about the toys he wants for Christmas. It's so fun to see the belief in his eyes. He adores Santa. Of course, we emphasize the real meaning of Christmas with Aidan, but it's fun to let him believe in Santa for just a few short years.

On Sunday, I asked Josh to give Quinn a bath before church. When I walked to the living room, I found this. Josh hadn't bothered to comb the poor kid's hair and it dried sticking straight up in the air. Many, many people commented on the quantity of his hair at church that morning. While the quantity hasn't changed since birth, I suppose it's more obvious when it's standing upright. Also, notice his adorable reindeer sweater outfit. This was a gift from my dear friend, Jennifer, and I love it!

And the hair a day later. It still hadn't calmed down much. At least you can get away with this while you're an adorable baby.

Yesterday, Aidan had a Christmas concert at his preschool. This is all the 3 year olds. He is on the back row, 4th from the left. It was really cute. They sang "Come On Ring Those Bells", "Happy Birthday, Jesus", "Clippity Clop", and "Twinkle, Twinkle Shining Star". We also listened to the 4 year old and Kindergarten classes. The concert was followed by a cake and punch reception.